Another Journey....

First, let me tell you that Nathan is growing so fast! He is showing us every day how smart he is and what he can do. He is slowly starting to say a few words but hasn't done so consistently just yet. He is getting support for that though and we know that he will be a chatterbox soon enough!

Now, as you may remember, we have two embryos left. With our last two failed attempts with our surrogate, we decided to go a different route. I found a new IVF doctor here in Tucson. She is great! She went through IVF to have her children so she is compassionate for sure. She is also encouraging and very knowledgeable. I was able to have a free consultation with her to go over my options. Could I potentially be able to do this on my own? Are there any other things to try given that I tried three times before with no luck? What are my odds? These were just some of many questions I had for her that day.
After our initial meeting, I had bloodwork done and then went through another fertility test that was not fun at all and nothing I will share here in too much detail but it was basically to see the uterine lining and make sure that there wasn't anything there that could prevent pregnancy from happening. According to the testing, everything looks just as it is supposed to and according to the doctor, there isn't a reason why I shouldn't be able to do this.
I met with her a third time and we came up with a plan of action. She thinks that I should try since I never tried with our donor eggs. All of our failed attempts were with my own eggs and most miscarriages happen for genetic reasons. She said by using donor eggs, we are eliminating my genetic issues that could have caused the failures. So, we started on that plan today and if all goes well, we will be transferring in mid February.
I am telling you all this because I am asking that you will please, please pray for us during this journey. Pray for an uneventful drive as I bring my embryos from the old clinic to the new one, pray for healthy embryos to survive the thaw and pray for "sticky eggs" once we do the transfer and for us to get our Big Fat Positive results back 10 days later. I truly believe it was the power of prayer that brought Nathan to us the first time around and this is why, this time around, I am sharing this journey with you all again.
Thank you in advance.

Another attempt.....

About this time last year, I wrote of our attempt at trying for number two with our fantastic surrogate, friend and family member. She was and is so amazing of a person and a believer that she really wanted, believed and hoped that if we tried again it really would happen.


So, we went down that road again. She did all the ridiculous things a woman has to do to go though an IFV transfer such as shots times too many and blood draws galore and after many setbacks, she was finally able according to the Doc, ready to transfer.

We tried on the 13th. Maybe a bad omen, maybe not. Our weekend was not unlike our first attempt that was super successful and that brought us Nathan. We enjoyed a weekend of fun and went to the new OdySea museum with Nathan and that was incredible! We enjoyed time together as a family and prayed and hoped for the best! In so many instances, the whole trip went exactly like it had when we were successful before.

We waited the two weeks all the while feeling very positive yet trying not to get too hopeful. Two days before learning that we were not successful, I dreamt that we were and that we were having a girl. While that would have been something to get used to given that I feel that I am a good boy mom..... it was good feeling!

On the day of the blood test though, I woke up feeling super negative and end the end, the results were actually, negative.

No second baby in our immediate future. We have two embryos left and may or may not try again soon.

I feel that a lot of this is my fault. When Nathan was successful, I shared everything with all of you prior to success and requested prayers throughout everything! While plenty of people family wise were praying this time, maybe that wast enough?

Maybe though, it wasn't meant to be right now either. Nathan is amazing and sweet and the best child ever but he also has some needs that require mommy and daddy's full attention at this time. So, maybe God knows what he is doing and maybe he has a plan all along. We shall see....

Thank you all for your time and love.

Now,

An open letter to our surrogate, birth mother of Nathan..... We love you so much! We wouldn't have ever gotten the chance to be parents had it not been for your love an generosity! Thank you so much for your gift to us and for believing in us! We promise to try to give him the best life possible and to raise him in a happy healthy home. We want him to know and love you too and to know that you are not just a family member but someone special! Please don't ever think that you have failed us or that we deserve more.... you have already given us so much more than we have ever thought possible! Thanks to you, our family is more than it ever was and we are joyful! We pray that you are continually blessed with peace and love from God and those around you. Amen.

Round two?

So when you have something so fantastic, you want more of it and this is the same with children. We were offered the opportunity to try for another baby. If you remember we had 5 frozen embryos available. Electra offered to do a second implant and after much discussion and prayer, we decided to go for it.

She started on the meds and everything was a go for late September. She and Mr. Electra flew out and we started the weekend with a football game and golfing for the guys and playing with Nathan for the girls. We also enjoyed watching the Harvest Moon/ Total Lunar Eclipse.

We then drove up to Phoenix for the appointment and learned during lunch that the embryo that was thawed didn't make it and we needed to thaw another one. This was very sad news.

So we gave the go ahead to thaw another one and we waited. We returned to the doctor several hours later to see that the second embryo was doing what it was supposed to be doing and was ready to implant. Electra got to take her headache inducing nitro to prepare for implantation and we got to see the little embryo go in on the monitor. It was really cool to watch!

So we knew it was there and not on the floor or still in the catheter and all we could do was wait. Electra was told to move around as much as possible which was totally different from last time. So, we went out to dinner and the next day the guys played more golf and we found a dairy farm to hang out at before we drove back to Tucson.

Electra and hubby left the next day and we waited for the blood test on the 8th of October.

I had this overwhelming feeling when I saw the second embryo that it wasn't going to take. I don't know why, but it must of been a premonition because on the 8th, the test was negative. The little embryo failed to hang on. We are all very, very sad.

I feel sort of guilty feeling sad since we were already given such a wonderful miracle, why be greedy? At the same time though, we were offered another miracle, how could we not say yes? The disappointment is still there, definitely less than if we didn't already have Nathan. He keeps our spirits up for sure! So, we love him more and hold him a little tighter and move on.

I didn't write about this before as I wanted to keep it a secret and write about it when I had a cute pregnancy announcement picture with Nathan in it saying he was going to be a big brother. Maybe that was a mistake. I believe in the power of prayer and I believe that prayers from all of you were a big part of why Nathan is here today! So, if we decide to try again, I will let you all know from the start, we will need your prayers!

Until then, thank you for following Nathan's growth and liking all of his adorable photos!

Nathan is one already!?!

Wow the year has flown by! Our sweet little man has grown so much and it has been so much fun to watch him do it.
He babbles all the time, he is cruising and crawling all over. He is also trying to climb things!
He signs "more" and is starting to learn "all done". He also shakes his head "no" and pushes things away if he doesn't want them.
He understands certain words or phrases like "five little monkeys..." At that, he will start jumping up and down as the song goes!
He eats everything, well except green beans and bananas!
He is just fantastic! We love him so very very much!

He doesn't sleep through the night but I have gotten him to at least go to sleep in his own bed! Over our Fall break, I got him into a routine, I hope anyway of napping and bedtime. We shall see how that goes once I return to work.

Here are a few photos from our fantastic year!

10 things no one ever tells you about being a mom after infertility

1. Apparently, the baby blues can happen even if you don't actually carry and deliver the baby yourself...
       - After Nathan was born, I cried.... a lot! I cried because I was happy that he was finally here, I cried because he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I cried because all he did was eat and I was all alone missing out on family events while he ate, I cried because I was tired, I cried because I had to go back to work sooner than I wanted to, basically, I cried for 6 weeks (at least)!
2. You will not sleep for the rest of your life (I am guessing) because if the baby is awake, so are you and if the baby is asleep.... so are you because you are worried that there is something wrong with them and when they get older there will be plenty of things they do that will cause you unrest as well.
3. You will love like you have never loved before.
       - nothing else matters in the whole world but the little person  you were meant to raise and your heart will feel like it is bursting with love (and you will probably cry).
4. Literally, nothing else matters...
     - not work, not the house chores, not even dinner plans, you will just not care about any of it anymore.
5. All the pain you felt when co-workers and friends and family members announced their pregnancies, will go away.
       - any new announcement after you have your bundle of joy, will make you SO happy (especially if you know they sort of struggled too)
6. You will become that seriously annoying person that you used to hate that post hundreds of photos a week on social media of your baby.
7. You will read everything there is to read about baby milestones and check daily to see if your baby is meeting them.
8. You will probably print 100 photos a week and send 100 more than that to anyone that will give you their email address.
9. You will ignore your husband (for a while anyway) but will reconnect once the little miracle sleeps through the night (assuming that actually is a thing...)
10. You will eventually realize that you ARE a mommy, it is actually true and that little thing relies on you 100% so no matter what, you need to be there for him, always. Which of course you will be, anytime, anywhere he needs you, no matter what.

Nathan's Birth Story

Well now that our baby, Nathan Alder Leade has arrived (and is a month old), I guess it is time to write his birth story!

He was due on August 28th 2014 but as most of you know, due dates are just estimates and babies come when they are ready. During the August 15th appointment, one doctor recommended inducing early, on or about the 21st, which would be 39 weeks. His reasoning for inducing was that the birth mother was "advanced in age" and babies born on or after their due dates to mothers with advanced maternal age are more likely to be born stillborn. This of course freaked everyone out and we had to make a decision, either let him come when he is ready and pray that nothing goes wrong or induce on the 21st. The doctor also recommended fetal monitoring twice a week, fluid checks and office visits once a week.

We decided to wait another week and see what the monitoring, fluid checks and office visits showed. Electra had never been induced before and the previous monitoring visits had shown him to be very healthy. We went to monitoring the next two times and all was well, baby's heart rate, fluid levels and movement were all great but the nurse that evening wanted to discuss inducing as well since by this time, there were no signs of labor and her reasoning was the same as before.

However, since there were no signs of labor, no cervical dilation, no contractions and the baby wasn't even in the correct position, we waited. We continued to go to monitoring appointments and everything continued to be well. Then, we started noticing that it appeared that the baby had dropped and we were hopeful for our next appointment to see some dilation. No Dice! The due date came and went. They once again pushed for inducing since now we were past the due date and made us schedule a day to do it, so we set that date for September 4th.

On September 3rd, contractions began early in the morning but they were sporadic and far apart from what I understood. We had an appointment to see the doctor that afternoon so we waited and timed contractions and went to see him for our scheduled appointment time. He checked for the head down position and dilation. Still, there was no dilation and we were all getting pretty frustrated by then and maybe a little worried as to what will happen if we did have to induce. He also checked Electra's blood pressure and noted that it was a bit elevated so he sent us directly to the hospital for another check and possibly to stay for delivery.

Once we go there, we were told that we were not going to leave, that we would be admitted right then and that they would begin the inducing earlier than planned. We still weren't ready to induce and continued to pray that the baby would just come out without having to do that. They came in and explained the induction process and stated that they would start after shift change. The process was to first use a get to start dilation, then break the water and finally give pitocen. However, contractions started getting closer together and when they did another cervical check, it was at a 3. So, they decided to forgo the gel and wait a bit to see what happened.

At this point in time, it was myself, Electra and Mr. Electra in the hospital. We were waiting for Dan and the "grandparents to be" to get there. I let them know that we were now dilated and that they should be moving faster getting there and they did and arrived around 9:15pm. Contractions were pretty close together at that point but we were all expecting to be there for a while waiting. Well, Dan and I stepped out to get coffee and not 5 minutes later, Electra's water broke! We were told it would go pretty fast from there and it sure did! Electra was amazing! She labored on a labor ball and once she felt "lots of pressure" they asked her to get into bed so they could check. Everything went so fast but I think I remember that once they checked, baby's head was crowning and by 10:45pm, he was out. It was truly an amazing experience. I was there for moral support, temperature regulation, physical support and to see our wonderful miracle be brought into this world and I am so very happy I was able to experience everything.

He came out with meconium and he needed some suctioning and oxygen for about 20 minutes. While watching everything, I was frozen in awe of what just happened but not scared for him. I knew that God had brought him to us and that nothing was going to go wrong from here on out. I grabbed Mr. Electra and hugged him and fell apart, crying huge happy tears. After they regulated his breathing, got him screaming really well and warmed him up, they were able to hand him to me...... and I cried more happy tears and then I was able to latch him on an breast feed him and that is when I fell instantly in LOVE!

Nathan Alder Leade is the best, cutest, sweetest baby a couple could ask for and he completes our family! He has also restored our faith in God. Without the power of prayer, he would not be here. Thanks to all of your prayers, we have our family and we couldn't be happier!

Two week to go!!!

As of Thursday, we are at 38 weeks, which is two weeks until the due date for our little one!! So, really he or she could come any day now and would be born a perfect, healthy, happy (I hope) and very loved and already spoiled child!

I have had a roller coaster of emotions as things are getting closer. First, I had to finish school and I had to finish and pass my national Praxis exam (both of which were totally stressful but I was successful). Since both of those things were completed, I have had to work on baby stuff, clean house and deal with some family medical issues. Well, I finished cleaning house (only for the silly puppies to soil it all again with their fur and paw prints), and I washed all the baby things in baby detergent and packed my bags for the hospital. The family medical stuff, while serious has taken a back burner because quite frankly, non of it is anything I can control with anything short of prayer.

That being said, I wanted to talk about the movie/ book "Heaven is For Real" for a moment. When we miscarried four years ago, someone gave us that book and I ignored it for about two years because I was mad at God for taking our baby and even decided at one point that God didn't exist, because if he did, why would he allow innocent children to die and great people get Cancer and all the bad things to happen that happen to good people????? Anyway, I did read it finally and after crying my eyes out, I found peace and hope again. There is a part in the book where the child tells his mom that his "sister" hugged him in heaven, well the couple lost that baby in a miscarriage and didn't even know it was a girl. It is comforting to think that our lost baby is enjoying the comforts of eternal life in Heaven and is watching out for us now. I just watched the movie tonight and again, after dying my eyes out, found comfort and peace.

Another person who is watching out for us now and who I (and the entire family) believe that has helped in the process of this baby coming into our lives, is Dan's grandmother. She prayed daily for her family and I know that last year when she went to Heaven, she demanded that we get the baby that we have longed for these last several years. Many people along with her prayed for this to happen for us and just like in the movie, the power of prayer has prevailed!

Thanks to that power of prayer, in just two short weeks (or sooner) there will be a baby Leade and that baby had already brought our family together again and I know he or she will continue to do great things in life!

Of course, we have to get him or her through life and raise them to be the best that they can be in order to do the great things that they are destine to do first, but I don't want to rush through these first few years, so we will enjoy them and soak up all things baby that there is to enjoy before we start looking for him or her to prove greatness.

Needless to say, I am getting excited but it hasn't felt "real" since the beginning, even though I have heard the heartbeats and seen the sonograms. It has been like I am participating in someone else's pregnancy instead. It will be real enough soon though and I can't wait! I will let you all know as soon as that little one arrives and if you all have any bets on what (boy or girl) and what date exactly, let me know. ;)

As always, continue to pray for our surrogate, Electra to be healthy and for our baby to be born healthy and without hardship. Thank you all.