So, on the same exact day that I found out that I was not pregnant and had to come to the realization that I may never be able to do this on my own, may never carry my own child and an egg donor is out because my body would just reject it anyway, on that same day, my sister gave birth to her third child.
I don't mean any offense here to her, but I have not called to congratulate her and I really don't want to. I will of course at some point because she is my sister and I do love her but for now, I am angry that he (my nephew) decided to come on this day, the day of my pure misery. I am sure he is cute and I am sure that I will love him as much as I do my two nieces and my nephew from my brother. I just can't handle it right now. His whole creation was under less than perfect circumstances. I will not tell any more here because that is her story, not mine. I hate that I feel this way but I can't help it and I am sorry.
Life isn't fair, it doesn't make sense and it is what you make of it. So, I gave myself today to grieve. Tomorrow will be better. I will move on, I will be OK, WE will be OK. No one knows what is in our future but God, it is all in his hands now. I am not giving up necessarily but whatever happens will happen and I no longer have any control.
I do have control over my actions and reactions though and for now, I choose to run, literally. The first run will be an all out obstacle course, 5k in March, hopefully with a few girlfriends, to support breast cancer awareness. Then, in April, I have another 5k with a team from school that I help coach and eventually, I plan on working up to a half marathon in December.
That is all for now. Once again, thank you for all your prayers and support.
Oh, and congrats Ashley, I will call eventually, I hope you understand........
It is hard. It sucks. hug a puppy, if you can catch one. They are fast round your place. When we get back in March lets have some Thai food.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you Sam. I don't know what or why this is happening, but you are the kind of person who has the caliber to come through it and shine, growling and shining. Know that. Bless your tears, Bless your anguish, and Bless the love that you and Dan share while you go through this.
ReplyDeleteOh love... I know this feeling. My sister announced her pregnancy the same day I found out I had miscarried. It still hurts sometimes. I love you! And once you're up to it, we should hang out again, with Becca and Julie too :)
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