The PUPO stage

PUPO stands for pregnant until proven otherwise and this is the term women use for the long two week wait time period between embryo transfer and pregnancy test day.

Today starts my PUPO stage and for the next two weeks (and hopefully a lot longer than that) I can be happy knowing that I am in fact, pregnant...... with twins! How cool is that?

Since I can't do anything for the next few days, I will catch up on reading, do homework for my class, paperwork for work, watch some movies and play games with friends. Oh, and enjoy being PUPO!

In the past, during this time, I was stressed and worried so much about whether it worked or not. Not this time, in my heart of hearts, I know it did. It had to because we have done everything we were supposed to do and because we have so many people praying for us. So, thank you all for that!

Here is a picture of the twins today. :)

Embryo transfer day!!

Today we drove the two and a half hours to the doctor to see how many embryos we had to transfer. We arrived a bit early and waited patiently until we were called back to go over things with the doctor. She told us that there were two embryos ready to transfer. One was a perfect blastocyst and the other was just about "6 hours behind but still viable". She also said that the other two embryos "probably stopped growing" but that she "will culture them one more day and then check on them and if they have definitely stopped growing, they will be destroyed because they are not viable" but that "stranger things have happened and if they do grow then they will be frozen for possible use later".

With that, we signed papers stating that we were told about the possibility of having twins and were OK with that (At this point lady..... we will take anything!) and I was given a Valium to relax me for the procedure.

We were then taken to our little transfer room where I was told to dress in the usual hospital attire and we waited for the magic to begin. When the doctor came in he explained the procedure and prepared everything, including giving me Nitro to hold under my tongue because apparently that helps somehow and telling me to make a crazy all teeth showing smile and hold it for the duration (which fortunately only lasted 22 seconds). After that, I had a splitting headache from the Nitro and was told to lay there for at least 30 minutes. He asked Dan to rub my temples to relieve the headache and we waited until the nurse came in and gave me my instructions for the two week wait.

About 50 minutes later, she came in and told me that I needed to do nothing for the next few days. I can't get my heart rate up, I can't lift anything, I can't have caffeine, alcohol or nicotine (duh!). Thankfully, I quit caffeine a while ago and am doing fine without it and obviously, I am not drinking or smoking so no worries there!

I can lay flat, eat when I am hungry, drink plenty of fluids and take the numerous supplements she gave me to take. I have to take a blood test to confirm pregnancy on the 11th. This will be a long two week wait.

Embryo check in - day 3

So, apparently day three is three days after your egg retrieval day because in embryo land, the count starts with zero. Day zero is the day you get your eggs harvested and three days later, they are checked.

Anyway, by day three, the embryos should have anywhere between 7 and 12 cells. If they do, this is a good sign that they will make it to Blastocyst stage, which is the stage you want on day 5, embryo transfer day (the day they put the embryos back into your body).

The doctor called today after she checked on our four little embryos and let me know that we have two 5 cell embryos, one 8 cell embryo and one 10 cell embryo. Great news that they are all still alive and growing, not so great news about the two only being 5 cell at this point but they could be delayed because they did not fertilize naturally, the doctor had to fertilize the egg instead which could cause the delay. So we won't count them out yet!

The 8 cell and 10 cell though are definitely on target to be nice Blastocysts on Tuesday. She will let them do their thing tomorrow and check them all again on Tuesday before our transfer.

Below is a visual for your prayers. Thank you all!

 

Waiting

The most frustrating thing in the world is waiting on someone or something that is out of your control. In my case, I have been waiting ALL day to hear about the embryos because the Doctor said she would call on day three. I took that to mean today since today would be three days after the egg retrieval day if you counted Thursday as day 1. I am hoping I misinterpreted this all together and day three is actually tomorrow. (Who works on Sunday?) I guess maybe the doctor would go in on a Sunday to check on embryos and make phone calls. Here is to hoping anyway. Hoping that she will call tomorrow with the news that all is well and they are growing nicely. No news is good news right???? I can't help but fear the worst but am trying to continue to be optimistic.

Update on the eggs

I received a phone call this morning from the Doctor that does the fertilization part of things and she told me that we actually had 6 mature eggs and that all 6 fertilized yesterday. As of 8am this morning, we had 4 of those 6 still alive and moving forward. She will call me again tomorrow with another update. So, for now, I can be happy knowing that there are 4 embryos waiting to meet us. I am hoping and praying that they all make it to Tuesday, our embryo transfer day.

That is all I have to report for now. I am still really sleepy from the anesthesia yesterday and I had a long day at work so I am going to sign off and take care of a few things around the house and then go to bed. Thank goodness tomorrow is Saturday and I have nothing but homework to accomplish!

Egg retrieval day

We left our house today at 5:30am so we could be at the Doctor's office by 8am. We arrived at 7:45am and waited until 9:15 before we were called back. I have no idea why they wanted us there by 8 but at least I had a good book to read.

Once they called us back, I was given a shot in my hip, an IV of fluids, oxygen and some sort of cocktail in my IV that made me fall deeply into sleepy town. So, I have no idea what went on in during the procedure at all. I do not remember getting out of the hospital gown or getting into the car for the ride home. I woke up for a few minutes when we got home and ate some lunch and then went back to sleep until dinner. I am awake some now but not for long, sleepy town is calling my name again. I sure hope this wears off before I have to go to work tomorrow!

Anyway from what Dan says, the doctor told him that they retrieved 5 eggs and that he "hopes to get at least one or two embryos from that".

I do not know how I feel about this. That statement makes me feel like the eggs were no good.

All I can do now is wait and see. They will call me tomorrow and let me know if we have embryos and how many.

How are the follicles doing now?

After today's visit to the doctor, I just want to cry.

The doctor saw little progression from the last visit and said that there are only two mature follicles at this point. There are others but he said he "can't count on those producing eggs". There is hope that one other follicle will mature before egg retrieval day so if that one does mature, we are looking at three follicles or three eggs. However, just because you have a follicle, doesn't mean you have and egg in it and one follicle could hold two eggs. So, I could have anywhere from 6 (yeah!) to none (sad).

He thinks there will be at least 2 eggs and from that we will have two embryos. That should sound like a good thing and I am trying to be optimistic but knowing what I have been through, it is hard. This means that there is no back up and that if we had to do it all over again, we have to start from square one. The problem is that for my age, I should have 30 eggs but instead I have possibly 2. My body is acting like I am 40 something not 31. It is so frustrating and now I have to come to the realization that if this doesn't work, I will have to use donor eggs. Something the doctor mentioned before but I wasn't ready to hear it yet.

What NOT to say to someone trying to get pregnant!

There are so many things that are so very offensive that come out of peoples mouths when you are struggling with infertility that I could be here all day writing them down. Instead, I will pick the top three things that people say that make we want to scream and possibly slap them in the face! Now, I have never actually done either, no, I just smile and nod politely because I know that they are just trying to be helpful and they really do not know what to say. If you find yourself in this situation, do not say the following things or the person struggling with infertility may actually slap you because you are not being helpful at all, you are only suggesting things that seem impossible or are not feasible at that time for that person.

1. "Quit trying and it will just happen" - Well actually in most cases, it wont magically happen, we are struggling with infertility for a reason and that reason is not because we are trying to get pregnant! That is like saying "if you quit trying to run that marathon, you will be able to just do it!" Yeah.....OK.

2. "Just adopt, then you will get pregnant!" - Oh, OK, is that the magical way that our bodies will heal themselves and just work? Whatever. I know, I know, I have heard the stories, all off them, your sister's cousin's sister-in-law or your brother's best friends aunt, they all got pregnant after they adopted. Well, besides the same thing I said about the first phrase, adoption isn't always an option for some people and we are trying to get pregnant because we would like that experience of carrying our child, you got to have it, why shouldn't we?

3. "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children, maybe he has another plan for you?" - This one will most definitely get you slapped! Don't ever say that to a person struggling with infertility. If God has another plan, fine, let him show it to that person, that is not your place. It is just too horrible to think that God wouldn't want us to have children but he allows child molesters and baby killers to have them?!?!? Just don't go there.

All that being said, don't flat out ignore the person either just because you don't know what to say. We are not diseased, infertility is not contagious and most of the time, we are still the same person you grew to know and love in the first place. We just need a friend who says they are thinking of us, praying for success and that will offer a hug or two. Thank you to all of you who do just that, you know who you are!

"How do you handle the stress?"

People say all the time, "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do all that, it is too stressful! How do you do it? You are brave."

To that I say, I am not really brave, others have put their stories out there before me and theirs are way more painful and personal. I have read those stories and they are the ones that have inspired me to be strong and share. Without those women and their encouragement, strength and words of wisdom, I couldn't do it.

I am lucky to have gotten to know a few women who have gone through the same thing and they have had success and those women give me hope. I hang on to that hope each day and when the stress and worry get too much, I run or if I can't run, I take photography hikes. I took the photo on the front page of this blog. It is of my cousin's little girls. We did a whole photo shoot and I smiled the whole time. It was so much fun and they were great little models! Not once did I stress over anything else.

These two things keep me going and of course I do them both with my best fur friend, Maizie. When the world feels like it is crashing down around me, she jumps up and wags her tail and gives me a million and one slobbery dog kisses and I can't help but smile.

Last but not least, the people around me hold me up. If I couldn't laugh with friends, co workers and family, the world would be a much darker place. Thank you!

How are those follicles doing?

This past Thursday's visit to the doctor was to check on those follicles. The follicles are what release the eggs and in the IVF process, we want a lot of follicles so we have a lot of eggs. Each follicle potentially has one egg but can also have none. They don't know until they actually go in and retrieve them, how many there will be. In the past, I have had up to 18 follicles but haven't gotten more than 8 eggs. So, my odds are not in my favor.

On this visit, I had 10 follicles, but they were smaller than the doctor expected. (They have to be a certain size before they are ready to release the egg).

So, the doctor was concerned that I wasn't "progressing" as I should and decided to change up the medication. I still get 5 shots a day of different drugs, just more of one thing and less of another.

His next words to me after telling me all the changes and scheduling me another appointment for Monday were: "Maybe you are just one of those patients that will give me two or three good eggs and we will get two or three good embryos and put them all in and it will work".

#?*! 

I am sure he meant that to be comforting but I have to say, after all we have been through, two or three doesn't sound good. It sounds like we have already failed. I know I need to be more positive and I am trying. I also don't want to be greedy or selfish but I feel that if I had a couple to freeze, just in case, I would relax a bit and not stress out during the whole two week wait.

I can't worry about what I can not change and it is in God's hands so, I will just wait and see. 

I go back on Monday and check those follicles again and if all is well, he will set a date for either Wednesday or Thursday to retrieve those eggs.

The highway

Two hundred and sixty four miles, 4 and a half hours and about a hundred or so songs. That is the trip to and from the Doctor at least once a week if not every three days, all for a half hour visit.

Of the hundred or so songs I listened to on Thursday's road trip to the doctor, the song "Bruises" by Train stuck with me the most. The chorus goes like this:

"These Bruises
Make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses - we all got bruises
We all got bruises"

How true. Everyone has some sort of bruises in their life, physical or emotional and we should, if we are not already, be aware of this and have a little more compassion and love toward the people that surround us. We have no idea what the other one is going through so we should not judge because we are not in their shoes, we should just support and smile and be there if and when we are needed.

It has been less than a week since I started my Blog and I have had so many people not only read it but offer their love and support and I thank you all so much for that. Thank you for helping me heal my "bruises" :)

IVF attempt number three....... here we go!

I have received all of my medication and have been taking everything for 4 days now. Let me walk you through a day of IVF drugs.

6:30 am injection 1, heparin injection in the stomach.
6:35 am injection 2, HGH injection in the stomach.

6:40 - Grab things and go to work.

2:00 pm- migraine starts

Somewhere between 4 and 5pm - leave work and head home. Migraine worsens.

6:30 pm - another heparin injection in the stomach
6:35pm - Lupron injection in the stomach
7:00 pm - mix three vials of one drug into three vials of another drug and then into GIANT syringe and hand to hubby so he can give me the injection. (Unless of course he is at work, then head into the bathroom so I can look into the mirror and do it myself.)

So, that is 5 injections a day every day for about 10 days. My stomach is no longer skin color, no, now it is more like a beautiful mixture of greens, purples and blues! It is quite attractive and I know you are all jealous...... :P

And where the other injections go..... well that area has turned so tough with scar tissue that while trying to give me last nights shot, the damn needle bounced off three.......THREE, times before going in.

We just laughed, because you have to, otherwise, you will go insane!

Oh and that migraine...... I can take Tylenol for that, which helps about as much as eating one jelly bean to control your hunger after not eating for three days! So, I use ice packs and a dark room and the hubby and Maizie the dog help by being there and getting things for me and I rest and I do it all again the next day.

I go in tomorrow to see how everything looks follicle wise and will know tomorrow afternoon when we will go in to get the eggs removed.

Wish me luck! I will update when I know more. Thanks for all your prayers.

New diagnosis and decisions to make!

After the failed attempt number two, we consulted with the doctor and he told us all about natural killer cells and how I had an over active bunch that is apparently attacking the embryos. This apparently is caused by my troubled immune system.

The good news was that there was a couple things we could try. One that was offered in the US and would cost us 3000 a treatment and we would have to do for several months with no guarantee that it would work and the other that was not offered in the US but we could go do on our own accord in our neighboring country of Mexico.

The first choice, as you can imagine, just sounded like too much money for not a lot of guarantee. The second choice sounded darn right scary in this day and age with our declining economy and lack of security for Americans in border towns.

However, the second choice, seemed like the best option after doing all the research. So, we were brave, we did it.......twice!

The first time, I forgot to ask who was going to escort us to the clinic across the  border and what they would be driving so that ended up being pretty scary and silly when some random person told us to get into his mini van in broken English. We did and it was the right van and he was a nice guy. So, all was well. He picked up two other couples to do the same treatment we were there to do and we all were treated and taken to breakfast and taken back across the border. We ended up meeting one of the couples a month later for the same treatment and we still keep in touch. So something good has come out of this so far.

We are still alive and still wanting that child and we are ready to attempt IVF attempt number three. Our final attempt.

IVF attempt number 2

I got into graduate school this year which meant that I had to move, alone for the summer months for school while the husband stayed home and worked. We decided though to go ahead with the IVF procedure and we would meet at the doctors office for visits. School was 4 hours away from home and the doctor was in between home and school so it worked out. What this meant though, was that I had to do all the injections myself. I did have a lovely roommate and another best friend living with me but she did not feel comfortable helping me in this adventure. So, I braved it and looked in the mirror and attempted the first shot, I missed! I freaked out, (only for a minute though) and took a deep breath and tried again. I got it that time! I ended up being pretty good at giving myself these shots too.

On egg retrieval day, the experience was way different then at the first clinic, they put me completely under. Hubby stayed in the waiting room until he was called in to monitor me. They told him to make me keep my oxygen on and according to him, I was not willing to do this! I don't remember anything from that day. I do remember that we had 8 eggs retrieved.

Now 8 is double the amount from before, so I felt a bit better about this. The next day though, we were down to 6 embryos. By day three, we had 4. At that point, my uterus decided not to cooperate and the doctor decided to freeze the embryos for later use. They called me on day 6, the day that the were to be frozen and told me there were two that they were freezing and two that didn't make it.

Well that is just freaking great! I felt just as devastated as the first time. Nothing left over, no more chance after this. One shot, that's it!

A month later, when we were ready, the defrosted those embryos and I went in to have them put in....... so I thought. Only one survived. I still had one though but again, couldn't help but feeling like I had already lost.

So, with disappointment masked with determination and sight optimism, we waited our "two week wait". This time, I did not take any tests. I just waited. I had a great early implantation sign just before the blood test and was so happy! I just knew it worked! I was definitely pregnant this time!

The blood test though proved that to be wrong. I was not pregnant, or at least I didn't stay pregnant.

New year, new doctor, new diagnosis

2011 was pretty much a blur. We didn't want to go to the same doctors over and over again, we wanted to try something new, something that would work. I tried changing my diet, acupuncture, more exercise, anything. We finally went to a new doctor in another city and he put me on a 6 month regiment of diet, exercise and vitamins and he ordered a lot of blood work. What he discovered, was that I have an auto immune disease that causes clotting issues and he put me on Heparin injections for this and we attempted IVF number two the following year, 2012.

First IVF attempt

Our first IVF attempt was back with doctor number one and we gave it our all. I had several medications that I had to inject myself with in the stomach and then some that I needed help with.

The stomach shots were no big deal, smaller needles and I was used to it with all the IUI's. The ones I needed help with though.... those were challenging and funny in some ways.

For my first injection that I needed help with, I asked our school nurse, who I had just met since I had just started working there that month. This was awkward to say the least but she was a great sport and was actually pretty good at it! I had to ask someone other than my husband to help me with these shots two nights a week since he is a firefighter and is gone for over 48 hours at a time for shift.

Besides the school nurse, I had one of my best friends help me. She used to be a medical assistant so she was used to giving injections. I had to do the shots she helped me with at night and so I had to drive to her house two nights a week while I was taking them for her help. On one of these nights, I had the shot ready to go and sitting in my cup holder next to me while I drove. At one point, I noticed that I was driving slightly faster that the speed limit at the same time that I noticed there was a cop directly behind me. You can imagine the crazy thoughts that went through my head at that moment! How the heck was I going to explain to this cop if he pulls me over that I am NOT a crazy strung out drug addict and that that syringe is NOT filled with whatever the hot street drug was at that time??? Great! I got lucky though, I never had to explain my syringe filled with medication to that cop, he never did notice the slight speeding on my part! Thank goodness.

After the injections, we went in for our retrieval. This was a weird experience where they gave me a drug to numb me but not knock me out, so I could see and hear everything but didn't feel much so I guess that was good. About 20 minutes after the procedure, I learned that he retrieved only 4 eggs........4!?!?!?!? I thought I was "young",  I mean isn't 29 still young? When he told us he retrieved 4 eggs, I cried. It already felt like a failure. How could we possibly get embryos? Oh, and by the way, only three eggs were considered viable. Just great! All we could do was wait to hear from the doctor the next day to hear about our embryos. When they called the next day, we heard that all three eggs were fertilized but that only two were growing. <Insert curse word here> Fantastic! Well, as many people so kindly pointed out at the time, "you only need one to work". Yeah well, that statement while I know was meant to make me feel better, did not help at all. I wanted insurance, ya know? I just wanted to know that IF we needed it, we had a back up and that we wouldn't have to go through all the fun shots and money that everything leading up to getting embryos entails.... but I didn't have that, I had two and I had to deal with that and hope and pray that was enough. On the third day, we did the embryo transfer and we waited, the dreadful "two week wait". This time I tortured myself with a pregnancy test on days 8, 10 and 12 (the morning of my blood test). All were negative. Even still, I held out hope. Until they called and said for sure. BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

The year 2010 was definitely one of the worst years EVER. I was happy to see it go.

2010, a year of joy and heartache.

In late January of 2010, I discovered the BEST news ever! I was pregnant, and we did it all on our own, no medication, no help from doctors, just the good old fashioned way. It was perfect and we were so happy that we decided to do something big to announce our great news. His parents come to visit every year in March and we decided that we would get the baby room ready and show them the room as part of our recent renovations to the house and hand them a "best grandparents ever" card with a picture of the ultrasound. The plan worked perfectly! The room was painted a lovely yellow and decorated with Winnie the Poo decorations (we figured this was pretty gender neutral) and it was beautiful. They were SO surprised and that weekend was the happiest weekend of my life.

Monday morning came and showed her ugly head with some unpleasant feelings and shocking news after a rush to the emergency room. The baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. I was supposed to be 11 weeks that day. There was no heartbeat. Nothing they could do. I was thrown into and emergency DNC the next morning. His mother got a phone call that day that her mother was seriously ill and in the ICU so she left that day to tend to her. His dad stayed behind for comfort but we weren't very accommodating.

A month later his great grandmother died while her daughter was still in the ICU unconscious and could not attend her funeral. We flew in for that. More heartache. She was the "mom" of the entire family and was just a wonderful woman that I am very thankful to have known.

When we returned, we found that my dog of 10 years, Angel, was deathly ill, she died the next day. More  heartache. We placed her in a wooden coffin in our back yard under a tree. I was sad but still so numb over the miscarriage that I don't think I was even really crying for the dog so much as I was crying for the loss of the baby still.

One week later, to the day, our other "old faithful", Annie, died peacefully in the back yard while we were away at work.  Once again, more heartache! This was getting ridiculous! Seriously, we didn't think we could take anymore of it and begged God to not test us anymore.

God must have been listening because just when his grandmother was about to be taken off of the ventilator, she woke up, on her own accord, asking for a coke! A coke of all things! She was promptly put into rehab and I got to spend some time helping her get stronger that summer.

I was devastated still from our loss and my husband was just as devastated and then we were angry and then numb. We tried an IUI again in May out of sheer desperation but of course, it didn't work. We did another two more in the Fall of that year too but to no avail and then finally after being given several monetary gifts, we tried IVF.

Not quite ready for IVF, time for a new doctor.

After the first infertility specialist in town sent me through three cycles of IUI and another surgery with no results, we decided to move on. Where we live, there are only two options for doctors in the city, so after a 400 dollar consultation, we were told we could still try IUI and use different medication and it "should work" considering we are young. (If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one!) So, we did, we tried the new drugs..... injections (OUCH!) and another IUI, without success. We ended up doing three IUI's and ANOTHER surgery with that doctor before he started talking IVF too. As you can imagine, every time, every "two week wait" was pure torture. By the end of 2009, we were feeling pretty broken and were having a hard time feeling like we were ever going to be successful and wondering if it was even worth it, if we were worth it. So, we took a short break. I went on a two week vacation over the Christmas break and he stayed home. Visiting my family was wonderful and much needed and during that time, he and I had long conversations at night and missed each other greatly.

Clomid, the go to drug for OBGYN's who's patients are whinning about not being pregnant.

After two years of "not really trying", I started asking my doctor to help. She kept telling me I was "still young" and that I "have plenty of time to have a baby", but after several visits, she finally prescribed Clomid. Clomid is a drug that you take on days 3 through 7 of your cycle and it stimulates your follicles to grow and produce eggs. Side effects of this drug include extreme bloating, irritability and pain in the abdomen. (Really great side effects for what your trying to do. You don't want to be touched, at all!) The hope is that after taking this drug, you become more fertile and you can then conceive naturally. You may even have twins! OK, sign me up! Well, after 6 months, nothing happened naturally and we decided to see an infertility specialist who then gave me the same line about being young and having plenty of time and gave me the same damn drug..... Clomid! This time though, we went for the IUI as well. An IUI is a procedure where they push your spouses little swimmers into your uterus at "just the right time" and you hope and pray for two weeks that his guys found your egg and that fertilization took place and you end up pregnant. That "two week wait" is horrible for a woman's mental state. Every little thing becomes a possible pregnancy symptom and you spend your time analyzing everything and researching early pregnancy signs/ symptoms and convincing yourself that it worked. The first one didn't work for us. That doctor continued me on Clomid for two more cycles, sent me into another surgery and then declared IVF my only option. It was later that I found out that you should NEVER be on Clomid for more than 6 months because if after 6 months, you are not pregnant, then Clomid is not for you, it will not work.....ever. Great, just great!

"we are not trying but are not, not trying either"

We got married in April of 2004 and in October that year, we celebrated our 5th year together. We decided then that it was time to "not try but not, not try to get pregnant". Little did we know that we would end up two years later beginning the infertility journey. In that two years, I watched numerous friends, siblings and cousins have beautiful, healthy babies and was elated for every one of them. I remember saying every time I heard an announcement or visited a friend after a birth, "save your clothes for me, I will need them soon!" That time didn't come and now most of those children are well into their elementary school careers. By 2006, I had gone through 2 more laproscopes and started asking my doctor for fertility advice. Now when people tell me this phrase, and within two months, they are bursting with pregnancy bliss...... I can't help but hate them. Just a little.

"get pregnant or have a hysterectomy"

In 2002, at age 21, my doctor told me that I most likely had Endometriosis and the "cure" was to either get pregnant or to have a hysterectomy. Well, as you can imagine, at 21 years of age, neither seemed like a great option! I mean, I was seeing someone, we were engaged even but were not ready to have children yet and knowing that we did someday want children..... a hysterectomy was just not an option. So, we went with option C, surgery and medication to control the endometriosis. On my 22nd birthday, I had my first endometrial surgery, a loproscopy to remove scar tissue that would hopefully make my pain go away or at least lessen. After that, I was given 3 months worth of a drug called Depo Lupron, a hormone suppression medication that kicks your body into a "fake menopause". (This was quite fun in the 100 plus degree weather that July, August and September holds in Arizona.) The medication given directly after surgery was supposed to keep my body from making more scar tissue and keep me relatively pain free. After that, I went on continuous birth control for nearly three years. Maybe that decision was my biggest mistake. I will never really know, but I can't help but wonder if I had chosen to do things differently, and had just went with option A, getting pregnant, would things have turned out differently?